childlife

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childlife.ca e-news#18: Behaviour Guidance: Connect vs Correct, Part 2

Mary Stuart, E.C.E.D.H., RECE

  1. CONNECT: A relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else.
  2. CORRECT: A change that rectifies an error or inaccuracy. To punish for the purpose of improving or reforming.

Last time, we chatted about understanding the key principles behind behaviour and to remember they are still learning LIFE SKILLS.

It takes time, effort, love, compassion and A LOT OF PATIENCE!

We know Behaviour is Complex! It is a communication skill, a language skill, a social skill, a problem solving skill, a emotional regulation skill, a self awareness skill, a self control skill.

It is influenced by personality, temperament, outside influences including parent/teacher styles. Whew! Where and how do we begin?

In our noble efforts to influence and guide children’s behaviour, we can often fall into the trap of Corrections Officer.

We try to improve behaviour by telling them again and again what the rules are.
If a child is having difficulty following the “rule”, we tend to get more and more frustrated that they are not getting it, and then we give them a “ticket” for not getting it right.

Sound familiar?

When this pattern begins, usually the relationship starts to erode and… RULES WITHOUT A RELATIONSHIP = REBELLION.

If, however, we become a CONNECTIONS Officer, we will begin to separate the deed from the doer, ask WHY the behaviour is occurring, what skills do they still need to learn and how can it be broken down so that they can get it right and be successful.

By connecting with a child, and letting them know you are there to help model, teach, coach and support them in their efforts to learn behaviour/life skills, they will start to feel empowered and their willingness to follow “rules” will start to improve.

It will open up the doors of communication — another word for behaviour — and self esteem, for all, will abound.

If we remember Behaviour Guidance is about teaching LIFE SKILLS — which take years to learn — we will be able to use connection vs correction methods to model, teach coach and support children’s behaviour and development with much success.

Stay tuned for the more information on teaching and guiding children’s behaviour and development.

At Childlife, our goal is to help make sense when kids don’t!

We offer On-sight Workshops and Strategy Sessions for staff/parents. See more information below!

Live, Laugh, Love – your child will thank you!

Mary